It has been oh too long...

With moving and starting college, things around here have been pretty crazy. I think crazy might be an understatement, but it's late and well...that explains a lot =]

I have been without Aaron for over 2 months now, and i am more than a little bit antsy waiting for him. November is the magic month, it's the month he makes his way to me -- i'm just hoping that October flies by! Everyone asks me how we do it...how we are able to keep our relationship strong when we are 2500 miles away from eachother. And the truth is...i do not know. I think it is because we have true love that many people my age do not understand [we are engaged, remember?]. And breaking up because of distance would be silly. I will not lie, it is HARD -- and some days i feel like screaming at the top of my lungs in frustration. But i dont just want to throw away everything we have because i cant go without him for a few months. It helps that i trust him with all of my heart <33

It makes me wonder, if you truly love someone, why would distance change the feeling? True love cannot be tampered with; it is in a tamper-proof package, duh! Maybe this was a test we needed to pass. I truly feel that this will be the hardest thing we go through as a couple. [hopefully]

And if it is isnt...i know because of what we have been through already, we can get through anything life throws our way.

*-trust.love.honesty.faith.laughter.security-*

Deserts never feel the rain

You know those moments when you say something and as soon as you feel it coming out of your mouth, you pause...because you know you just changed the future -- you know you will be proven wrong in your assumptions?

I had one of those today.

We were driving in the car talking about the weather in our new home, Idaho. I brought up the fact that it hasnt rained or even given a hint that it might rain, since we got here. It has not thundered the least little bit and gray clouds were nowhere to be seen. This, of course, saddens me. I love the rain and the feeling you can taste when it's in your presence. It is my therepy, my inner healing. I get lost in the sound of the shallow drops exploding on the window. There is nothing more naturally beautiful than a rainy day, where i'm all cuddled up in a fleece blanket, crossed-legged on the couch -- just watching -- just listening -- just feeling.

Like all the nights passed, I was sitting at my computer, and out of the corner of my eye I saw a flash. At first I thought..eehh...maybe I was just seeing things. Then the tingle of thunder echoed in the distance. Yes. Thunder. Lightning. The hint of rain I had been yearning for since the day we got here. So here I am, with the curtains as wide as they will go, waiting to hear the first droplet of rain hit the window.



Perhaps it will never come...

But I got the hint -- that you can never be sure in life. When you least expect it, the unexpected happens. And like the lightning dazzling in the corner of my eye, beauty can unexpectedly pounce upon you. Most likely...you will never see it coming.

There is magic and beauty in things unexpected...always.

Dont cry my love -- it's only distance.

"I dont want us to be crying the last time we see eachother."

Those were my exact words.

We walked out to the car where my parents were all loaded up and ready to go. I set my couple bags on the ground next to the back tire and threw my arms around my fiance -- my love -- my everything. I kept thinking about the fact that it was our last hug, our last kiss, our last everything for four months [or more]. Without warning...the tears started to stream down my cheeks. They were uncontrolable. I did not want to cry. I told myself I wouldnt. But again...I was the weak one. Somehow...that's what i've always been. And for me-- he was strong.

It just goes to prove that no matter how you try -- you cannot always control your emotions. There are times where you can hold it in, but deep inside the real emotion is always there. But at other times, the feeling can consume you until you know nothing more than to feel. Sometimes, you just have to cry.

And sometimes you have to laugh -- And sometimes you have to yell.

Life is just funny like that...

I walk the line.

My last day of work is friday && It seems so surreal that it is all happening now. I'm at that stage where you know change is coming and all you want to do is run the other way. I have friends here -- my fiance is here -- everything i know is here! Idaho might as well be a million miles away. I wanted change so much; i've become accustomed to experiencing new environments every few years while growing up. I crave new places like i crave chocolate, A LOT! But as I am starting to realize, it is easier said than done, to walk away from everything you know. I want time to stop so i can soak up as much of this place as i can before i wave goodbye. I keep thinking of how long i will have to wait to see my fiance. I have a movie that plays in my head everytime i think about the day i will leave -- we are waving to eachother as my car drives off, just like in the movies. It is sad and I dont want to do it! Why cant shrink rays exist?!? Because then I could just zap Aaron and keep him in my pocket =] Oh, if only life were that easy -- make everything right with one push of a button.

Enemy in Disguise

Distance is a mere enemy to me. In only 11 days I will be 2500 miles away from my best friend-- my fiance -- my life. I try not to think about how hard it will be and just how slow time can truly take to be released. To some 4 months may not seem to be a long time, but when you must spend time away from the one thing that keeps life worth meaning something, one day -- one week -- one moment is too long. I love change, but I never thought that one change could alter EVERYTHING. I dont want to be without him and I cannot imagine how hard each day will be. Idaho just will not have the same charm as if he were experiencing it with me...

Idaho 3-2-1

DaD found out today that it is OFFICIAL -- we will be moving to Idaho. i'm uber excited. =] =] =] [smiles] I feel like this move is going to be a great thing for me. I need a change in scenery and oh what a change it will be. Delaware is losing what always made it so beautiful. Idaho on the other hand is beautiful [from what i've heard]. I love nature. The hard part will be getting settled...learning my way around...waiting until December when Aaron can move there && finding time to enjoy the beauty of the place while juggling school and work. =] But...this is exactly what i need right now! ♥♥