A moment in time -- a time to just run away.

Its when you hear that voice and all you want to do is scream at the top of your lungs "talk to me, i need to feel your soul. I need to feel something more than this day has brought upon me."

Every moment of every day i long to be far from here -- far from the nothingness that makes up this place without you. i thought it could sing to me, i thought this new existence would bring a calming melody. All i feel is the trainwreck in my mind, the crash of a new world that is a place of nothing without your eyes to stare into.

The closer time collapses around me, the more i need, the more i yearn to taste. To feel like the sunshine kisses me and not just shadows me in insecurity. Your voice caressing my ear from distance whispers just isnt enough -- not tonight my love. Tonight i need more than the distance that laughs in the background.

Every moment spent dreaming of the hands i know so well, of the man i long to feel beneath my own, passes with the speed of the falling star i wish upon to have the dream come true.

run across the mountains. ride the wings of the doves. or across the shooting star in my eye. make my dreams come true.

with all that you have -- and all that's in me -- get here.

it's a moment in time, a time to just run away to me.

The rain wouldnt stop running from my eyes.

I never imagined how easily the mind can change -- from one extreme to the other, and again, I feel I am the one to blame.

I took two steps in the opposite direction and started to run. I was running and my heart was hurting...but i just kept on. It was hurting from being broken by my own actions. I did it to myself -- yes, that's it. This one is completely on me. After running along my boundaries, I tripped along memories of the past. They scrambled around my face that lie flat on the ground. They screamed at me as the tears fluttered from my eyes and up into the sky. And i knew, this wasnt how things were supposed to be. I felt it to be impossible for my heart to be beating after being broken into all those small pieces. They seemed to jangle in my chest with every step, every breath. Never give up. Never Give Up.

Most of the time, the worst decisions are the ones you stumble upon. The ones you never planned on taking in, the loners. And sometimes, they get in no matter what step in every direction your feet try to manuever. && it's those decisions that never make sense. You wonder why you let your mouth speak those words or let your head make the descion without your heart. They are inevitable. But stop them!

Don't take too much time to think -- just enough to make things right. The more time taken, it seems the farther you fall off the earth. The gravity lets go and you dont know what to do. Just lost.



I'm okay now. Ive made my way back home. Because the moment the straying took control, I didnt want to be there anymore. Not now, not ever.

It has been oh too long...

With moving and starting college, things around here have been pretty crazy. I think crazy might be an understatement, but it's late and well...that explains a lot =]

I have been without Aaron for over 2 months now, and i am more than a little bit antsy waiting for him. November is the magic month, it's the month he makes his way to me -- i'm just hoping that October flies by! Everyone asks me how we do it...how we are able to keep our relationship strong when we are 2500 miles away from eachother. And the truth is...i do not know. I think it is because we have true love that many people my age do not understand [we are engaged, remember?]. And breaking up because of distance would be silly. I will not lie, it is HARD -- and some days i feel like screaming at the top of my lungs in frustration. But i dont just want to throw away everything we have because i cant go without him for a few months. It helps that i trust him with all of my heart <33

It makes me wonder, if you truly love someone, why would distance change the feeling? True love cannot be tampered with; it is in a tamper-proof package, duh! Maybe this was a test we needed to pass. I truly feel that this will be the hardest thing we go through as a couple. [hopefully]

And if it is isnt...i know because of what we have been through already, we can get through anything life throws our way.

*-trust.love.honesty.faith.laughter.security-*