Riding to Discovery

Yesterday, after on a whim, Aaron throws the idea out to buy bikes, we did! :) The whole "finding a bike" process was not very easy since I am only 5 feet tall. The bikes were either WAY too tall, or the handle bars were too far out. I swear I'm cursed with everything because of my size. Anyway, after searching and falling into the racks while trying to get on and off the bikes (i'm all bruised up), we finally found one. Of course, it is a bmx bike since the mountain bikes are giants, but it is pink and black...and adorable :)

We took them out for the first time today :) Oh what fun! I have not rode a bike since I was 11 years old. But I got back on like I have been riding my entire life. That saying "you never forget how to ride a bike" really holds true I guess. Well after a few minutes my legs were killing me. They were burning and I felt like I could peddle any more. Of course, at this time, Aaron is not bothered at all. He's in better shape than me. I'm whining and he's telling me to "c'mon, you can do it." My legs felt like jell-o, but I managed to push on. And I'm glad that I did. Every time I wanted to quit, he would let me rest for a minute then say let's keep on going. It was great :)

What I am getting at is how Aaron motivates me. I dont ever want him to think that I give up when things get hard, because that is not typically how I am. But man did my legs burn! It was a lot of fun, and I got to see different parts of the area in which I live that I could not have gotten to in a car.

It was a good ride. A ride to discovery, not only of the area around me, but discovery of myself. :)


Looking Forward-Then Looking Back

You know how when you are really excited for something, it completely consumes you. All you do is think about it and wish that it would just "come on already." You imagine how it will be and how it will unfold. Then most of the time, things do not go as planned. Lately, planning Aaron and my big day, has made me so excited, too excited, for it. It is all I think about and I am on the computer countless numbers of hours researching all the fine little details. Yes, I know this is just the girly thing to do. Having the perfect wedding is every girl's dream...well...most girl's dream. I'm starting to see, however, that maybe I shouldnt be wishing the time away. I keep saying how much I wish it would just be here and happen. But then, what would I have to look forward to? Haha. Yes, spending the rest of my life with Aaron is something to look forward to. But that's a little different than the buildup feeling of looking forward to something big. Once the wedding day comes, it is over just as fast, and then the real life part happens. Do not get me wrong, I am looking forward to real life...but I also realize it is going to be far from a piece of cake.

Basically, what I am trying to get at is, we should all just enjoy the little moments that lead up to something big. Without the little moments in between, the big thing could possibly be disappointing. You spend all the time wishing it would come and not just enjoying laughter and happiness, excitement at its best.

My wedding planning goal: take time each and every day to think about non-wedding things or do something just for me. Something that makes me happy simply because it is my own happiness, not created by outside forces. Ta Dah! :)


Move with the wind

For the longest time, my heart had felt as though it had nothing to express. That it was simply doing as little as possible to keep me pushing through, but not pushing me to truly live. I was lost on a path of knowing what I wanted, then changing my mind, then almost having my heart torn completely from its home. It has been quite a journey these past few months. But now...I feel like I can begin to breathe again. I can walk outside and hear the birds chirping and feel the breeze dance across my cheeks and caress my hair. It feels so pure, so honest, to be able to feel life at its truest.

I never want to look back now. I want to keep pushing on with a child's view, where all that matters is to fall upon happiness and let it swoop me up in its grace. It will shine for me-- the sun will burn in my eyes and shower me with its warmth. I will be able to see past any ounce of pain and turn it into something beautiful. That's who I truly am. The brighter things dance around in my brain, and I sing. I sing so loudly that my ears start to scream because they cant let my brain think. Think. Think. Think. I think too much. And from now...I will just live. Why should I think before every move, every breath. Sometimes living in moments of absent thinking are the best. Yes. Dont think, Kimberly. Just move with the wind.


A moment in time -- a time to just run away.

Its when you hear that voice and all you want to do is scream at the top of your lungs "talk to me, i need to feel your soul. I need to feel something more than this day has brought upon me."

Every moment of every day i long to be far from here -- far from the nothingness that makes up this place without you. i thought it could sing to me, i thought this new existence would bring a calming melody. All i feel is the trainwreck in my mind, the crash of a new world that is a place of nothing without your eyes to stare into.

The closer time collapses around me, the more i need, the more i yearn to taste. To feel like the sunshine kisses me and not just shadows me in insecurity. Your voice caressing my ear from distance whispers just isnt enough -- not tonight my love. Tonight i need more than the distance that laughs in the background.

Every moment spent dreaming of the hands i know so well, of the man i long to feel beneath my own, passes with the speed of the falling star i wish upon to have the dream come true.

run across the mountains. ride the wings of the doves. or across the shooting star in my eye. make my dreams come true.

with all that you have -- and all that's in me -- get here.

it's a moment in time, a time to just run away to me.


The rain wouldnt stop running from my eyes.

I never imagined how easily the mind can change -- from one extreme to the other, and again, I feel I am the one to blame.

I took two steps in the opposite direction and started to run. I was running and my heart was hurting...but i just kept on. It was hurting from being broken by my own actions. I did it to myself -- yes, that's it. This one is completely on me. After running along my boundaries, I tripped along memories of the past. They scrambled around my face that lie flat on the ground. They screamed at me as the tears fluttered from my eyes and up into the sky. And i knew, this wasnt how things were supposed to be. I felt it to be impossible for my heart to be beating after being broken into all those small pieces. They seemed to jangle in my chest with every step, every breath. Never give up. Never Give Up.

Most of the time, the worst decisions are the ones you stumble upon. The ones you never planned on taking in, the loners. And sometimes, they get in no matter what step in every direction your feet try to manuever. && it's those decisions that never make sense. You wonder why you let your mouth speak those words or let your head make the descion without your heart. They are inevitable. But stop them!

Don't take too much time to think -- just enough to make things right. The more time taken, it seems the farther you fall off the earth. The gravity lets go and you dont know what to do. Just lost.

I'm okay now. Ive made my way back home. Because the moment the straying took control, I didnt want to be there anymore. Not now, not ever.


It has been oh too long...

With moving and starting college, things around here have been pretty crazy. I think crazy might be an understatement, but it's late and well...that explains a lot =]

I have been without Aaron for over 2 months now, and i am more than a little bit antsy waiting for him. November is the magic month, it's the month he makes his way to me -- i'm just hoping that October flies by! Everyone asks me how we do we are able to keep our relationship strong when we are 2500 miles away from eachother. And the truth is...i do not know. I think it is because we have true love that many people my age do not understand [we are engaged, remember?]. And breaking up because of distance would be silly. I will not lie, it is HARD -- and some days i feel like screaming at the top of my lungs in frustration. But i dont just want to throw away everything we have because i cant go without him for a few months. It helps that i trust him with all of my heart <33

It makes me wonder, if you truly love someone, why would distance change the feeling? True love cannot be tampered with; it is in a tamper-proof package, duh! Maybe this was a test we needed to pass. I truly feel that this will be the hardest thing we go through as a couple. [hopefully]

And if it is isnt...i know because of what we have been through already, we can get through anything life throws our way.



Deserts never feel the rain

You know those moments when you say something and as soon as you feel it coming out of your mouth, you pause...because you know you just changed the future -- you know you will be proven wrong in your assumptions?

I had one of those today.

We were driving in the car talking about the weather in our new home, Idaho. I brought up the fact that it hasnt rained or even given a hint that it might rain, since we got here. It has not thundered the least little bit and gray clouds were nowhere to be seen. This, of course, saddens me. I love the rain and the feeling you can taste when it's in your presence. It is my therepy, my inner healing. I get lost in the sound of the shallow drops exploding on the window. There is nothing more naturally beautiful than a rainy day, where i'm all cuddled up in a fleece blanket, crossed-legged on the couch -- just watching -- just listening -- just feeling.

Like all the nights passed, I was sitting at my computer, and out of the corner of my eye I saw a flash. At first I thought..eehh...maybe I was just seeing things. Then the tingle of thunder echoed in the distance. Yes. Thunder. Lightning. The hint of rain I had been yearning for since the day we got here. So here I am, with the curtains as wide as they will go, waiting to hear the first droplet of rain hit the window.

Perhaps it will never come...

But I got the hint -- that you can never be sure in life. When you least expect it, the unexpected happens. And like the lightning dazzling in the corner of my eye, beauty can unexpectedly pounce upon you. Most will never see it coming.

There is magic and beauty in things unexpected...always.